What Exactly is a Christian, Anyway?

First a word of warning. What you read may disturb some of you because of the question I ask. There is no need to worry. I'm merely looking for clarity of truth, or truth without religion. Whatever you do, don't blame Donald Miller. His book is merely helping me to better visualize my questions.
So...What is a Christian? Wikipedia says that Christians are disciples of Christ. Here are a few quotes on Christianity I found.

"Any phenomenon as complex and as vital as Christianity is easier to describe historically than to define logically." From Encarta's definition of "Christianity." 1
"What is a Christian, anyway? Someone of European descent? A persecutor of Jews? Someone who votes for only the most conservative Republicans? At times all of these answers have seemed plausible. Some use these definitions to this day. In Christian circles the answers are no clearer. A Christian is sometimes said to be someone who has made a decision; sometimes, someone who belongs to a church; far too often, someone who confesses the right creeds." Mark M. Mattison 2
"Catholics are not Christians. They are pagans." Unsolicited E-mail to this web site.
"Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses are not Christians. Christians are people who have been forgiven of their sin by the holy God through His Son Jesus Christ. If someone who is a "Christian" has to earn their salvation, that is not Christian." Unsolicited E-mail to this web site.

So...Are you any clearer? With so many different definitions, how are we supposed to know? From what I've heard over and over, the term specifically means "little Christ." One hundred percent of professed Christians I know do not completely fit the bill. That includes me.
Politically, Christians are hated. Our history is so sordid with all the genocide and murder done in the name of Jesus. I wonder how my Savior really feels about these things at times. But then, I have my own things to worry about, like paying bills, praying and feeding my family. Do I really have time to worry about what my definition is?
I'll admit that most of the time, I find myself hesitant to call myself a Christian outside the walls of my church. I'm not ashamed of Christ in the least. I am a bit ashamed of how I represent him and how the church of today, for the most part, represents him. (Disclaimer: There are a lot of churches doing a lot of great things in the name of Jesus. I don't doubt that. I also don't expect perfection. But can't I expect something more out of individuals?)
Back to my point, now. I love being a child of God. I love being related to Jesus. I'm not always so keen on being grouped with the church though. I don't mean the people. I mean the establishment, the political game that is most prominent on the news. Go ahead and blame liberal media. If there were nothing to focus on, they'd have to focus on their own shortcomings or find another group to haggle. As it is, Republicans and Christians seem to go hand in hand, their names interchangeable.
Do I want to be a Christian? No.
I want to be God's child. I want to lead people to Christ. First and foremost is Jesus! If someone becomes my friend and they hear from me about Jesus because of what He has done for me, then they decide to attend First Presbyterian, then that's alright! As long as Jesus remains the center of the conversation, then the color of bricks that adorn the walls of the meeting place is completely irrelevant.
Honesty: I'm sick of people using the out of inviting people to church as "witnessing." We've all been called to spread the gospel, the real truth about Jesus. Jesus didn't give us the directive to give someone and orthodoxy and a creed to learn so they can understand God. Hell, I don't even understand Him! (excuse me there.) Jesus gave us a commandment and a commission. Love like there's no tomorrow and teach others to do the same in Jesus' name.
Loving people, filling their physical, emotional, spiritual needs is the gospel. Not a tract. Not a speech on grace and forgiveness. Think of the class you hated most in school. Do you remember any of the lectures? Do you remember any of the lectures from your favorite classes? But you do remember the field trips. You remember the things you did with what you learned. Science projects, art projects and performed presentations are what sticks. If we want the gospel to be spread, it must be spread in action. Otherwise, it's in one ear and out the other.
Sadly, most evangelism has been reduced to handing out tracts and inviting people to church so that the pastor can give the sermon and reel them in. Crude imagery, but it seems so true. Why can't we just get in gear ourselves and start loving the drug addicts, the homosexuals, the baby killers and other sinners? What would happen if we asked God for compassion to give away instead of solely for ourselves?
Whoa...I've gone farther than I wanted. I just want to cease being represented by those who know the least about who I truly am supposed to be in God. If, when someone hears that I am a Christian and the first thing that comes to their mind is ignorant, judgmental, hateful, legalistic, jerk, then I say something is wrong with what we're doing.
Am I right? Who knows. This is merely rambling and filtering thoughts that have reeled in my head for 4 years or so. I want to know, though. How would you want to be defined with Christ? Christian or something different?

Can You Relate?

A few years ago I was taking a graphic design class at WT. Like any other group of people do, we had formed smaller groups with shared interests. My particular group hung out because we really didn't fit with the crowd of class favorites. I may have said this before, but I never really got along with the graphic design professor at WT. Anyway, this particular day we had began to discuss God and church. Wendell, the other male in the crew said he didn't like church because of all the rules. The others, both female, gave their insight. Me, I kept trying to remember when any rules had been forced on me in church. Either I was naive or just ignored the rules. When it came my turn to ask a question, as if we were taking turns, I asked if they thought I'd be a good pastor. God had been laying a call on my heart that I didn't quite understand, yet. In fact, it would be at least a couple of years before I even realized it was a call.
The girl who answered me had a name. It eludes me for some reason. That's kind of sad, because I became a sort of confessional for her between classes as we talked after this day. She told me that I would be a good pastor. She didn't really know my Biblical knowledge or my beliefs, so I asked her why she'd think that. The answer she gave was simple and has helped me as I develop my faith. "You always see both sides," she said. She referred to arguments and to church.
A lot of Christians I meet have a tendency to judge. I don't mean they condemn people. To be honest, I do it as well. We see certain types of dress or makeup or lifestyles and we categorize people by their choices. Of course, it isn't just Christians who do this, but humanity in general.
Every Christian has been on both sides of the cross. Even those of us who were raised in church have strayed away at times, searching for ourselves as much as God. Why is it that we tend to forget who we were? Sure we're forgiven and we're new people, but we are still human. Those who Jesus miss, those we call lost, are just the same as you and me. Pointing out our differences won't show them the love of Christ. It is through kindness that our Father leads us to repentance. What makes us think we're any different.
As Jesus' body here on earth, we've got to remember in our hearts and minds what it is that we have been saved from. If we just forget, we not only lose our ability to relate to those God leads us to, but we forfeit God's grace in a way. Think of Tommy Lee Jones character in Men in Black. In order to return to the woman he loved, he had to have his mind erased of all his exploits with extra-terrestrial life. He could no longer relate to the MIB.
Spend some time with God reflecting on your life. Where were you before the cross came into the picture? What has Jesus done with you since then? What have you done with Him? Be thankful for what God has done for you. And look for people who need Jesus that you can relate to. Remember, we've all been there at some point.

Another Day

It has been another interesting day in the life. I did find out that I do have some money coming my way for school from the WIA program, but not sure how much until I lay out some longer range plans than before. Also need for them to be more detailed. As weird as it feels, I'll probably go without a job until May, and then try to get part time work while finishing up classes for graduation. FINALLY!!!
Don Miller had some interesting things to say in Blue Like Jazz on grace. He struggled with pride being a block to God's grace. It wasn't that God said to him, "Remove the pride or you'll get no grace." The grace was and is ever there. Don, and we, feel more like we don't need it. In his words, "I love to give charity, but I don't want to be charity."
I feel like that. Especially in the midst of these days of joblessness. God has provided me with an opportunity that I must take. In order to take it, I must rely completely on Him. Sometimes, this means letting others take care of us. God works in this way more than through other means. He could just provide me with an honorary degree through some high faluting university and I'd be set to get a better job, which He could also lay out for me. That would be hugely miraculous. The only problem is that God wants me humbled. He wants to use the gifts He's given to others to take care of me. And it isn't just me. Our Father takes care of all of His children in this way.
From where I stand on this, the blessings aren't so much dependent on God. We have grace and mercy and provision handed to us. We must be the willing participants, though. We've got to be able to let our pride die so that we can be blessed. I don't mean only money either. Our blessings are laughter, crying, handshakes and hugs. Sometimes the blessings come from being God's instrument.
I saw most of the film Shallow Hal tonight. Something about that movie applies here. When we stop being so worried about ourselves and what we can do to improve our own standing and pleasure, we begin to see the beauty of other people's hearts and not just the superficial things the world wants us to focus on. And it isn't only other humans' beauty, but God's beauty that begins to be evident.
So, like Paul said, it's time to die to the flesh. We cannot be so naive as to think that God is our genie any longer. We're supposed to be conformed to His likeness, not the other way around. For me, I want to lay it all down and receive what He has to give to me, wherever the source He chooses to send it from. What about you?

Superman or more?

Just want you all to be able to see the new Superman Returns trailer.
It seems rather familiar...
http://raincloud.warnerbros.com/wbmovies/supermanreturns/teaser/teaser_hi.mov

My eyes

The Fight

I had him in a headlock. By this time he was struggling quite hard. There was no way I could beat this guy. Sure, at first he was stiff and easy to toss around. But the more I wrestled him, the more alive and limber he became. And at this point we'd been wrestling a while. I was getting winded.
So he broke free. All I knew to do was duck, so I did with my arms over my head. I darted from his reach and spun around to see him. He was just shaking his head and laughing. As I caught my breath I kept thinking, "What have I gotten myself into?"
I had read of Jacob wrestling with God. Is this what it felt like? Did I really think I was any better than Jacob? It is like cartoon I once saw with a man shaking his gloved fists at the sky in the first frame. In the second, a single large boxing glove smashed the man from the clouds. The caption read, "Your arms are too short to box with God."
Planning my next move, I started to see something in the eyes of my chosen opponent. It wasn't love, let me tell you. His laugh was a bit too unsteady and his writhing more like a snake than a man. I charged him, pumping my legs as hard as I could. I got low, tucked my head and tackled him. That was the plan. He merely stumbled a few steps backward and laughed. Then he wrapped his arms around me. I couldn't move.
It was at this point that I realized something. The stench. He smelled horrible. I don't know if it was his breath or just his body odor, but I wanted to vomit. The more I struggled to break free the stronger his grip became. I realized I was losing breath. His laughing was now a high pitched squealing, full of a perverted delight. As my eyes caught view of fading lights, I wept. I cried out for God to forgive me. Just before I lost consciousness, I saw a figure appear. He was marching right toward us.
I woke to a bright sunlight. It was a contrast to the darkness of the fight. Someone was holding me in their arms. I blinked the fuzz from my eyes to see Jesus. He grinned and said, "You're okay. Welcome to the land of the living." I asked him to forgive me as I realized what I had done.
I had chosen a dead opponent to fight. Was it to prove my worth? Did I think I could redeem myself or conquer things on my own? Who knows the real reasons. But what I chose to fight, I gave life and strength. It was a past sin, one I had been forgiven of and that Jesus had beat long ago on the cross.
For some reason, I thought I was wrestling with God to get over a low spot in my walk with Him. How childish. The entire time he watched and wept as I went back to fight a battle he had won.
How many times do we do this? We return to sins we thought we'd beat and give them life again. Our life giving ability should be turned to other people who struggle with that same dead sin. You see, we have no battles to fight with sin. We just need to get on the right side of the fight. Jesus has won the war with sin and death. If we just get with him, trust him and see what he's done, we can recognize dead things when they tempt us with their wares. With Jesus we are alive in the land of the living, not the dead.

Beginnings

So here we are. We're about to start 2006 so why not try something new. Here is the blog spot for my ramblings. Maybe they'll make sense, maybe not, but they'll be here for posterity. As to the title, Paper Train... Back in high school I created this fictional band in my head. At the time I had not musical talent to speak of, so I wrote songs in my head and put them on albums together during sophomore history. I even drew the characters. Their faces were elongated and each had a specific personality and input to the creation of the songs. They were of caried ethnicity, of course, and they named their band PaperTrain. They bore a sociopolitical weight. They had grandiose ideas of "paper training" the world. Stop defacating on each other and learn to live together. It seemed to me that every year more and more problems surface on the global radar. They may be old fights finding the light of day, or they may be new issues that need dealing with. The problem is that they are all issues stemming from something deeper in humanity. That would be sin. PaperTrain had an agenda, and being minutely aware of simple psychology, I realize that PaperTrain was an extension of my own values and ideals. I was, and may still be, PaperTrain. I hadn't really thought about that "band" in a long time. I needed a name for this blog and it surfaced like and old photo in a shoebox at the back of the closet. Not a bad memory, just one I didn't need until now.
Strange that it returns to me now. I have been reading, since December 24th, a book entitled Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. It is a highly recommended read from my own point of view. It is a bit like reading memoirs or journal entries. I can relate to the author on many levels. He points out that social problems have their root in sin. Him saying this coinciding with the appearance in my mind of PaperTrain is just a bit strange to me. I'll continue to think on this.
In a few weeks, school starts for me. If you're reading this and don't know, I was laid off in November by a couple of heartless money grabbers. There I said it. Regardless of my feelings toward those folks, a door had been opened and an opportunity supplied by the Creator. I will attend college and finish in the summer. Then to eduacate the masses of young hoodlums I go. I love teaching in the settings I have had the opportunity to so far. I hope that stays and even grows with this career change. Graphic arts hasn't been much of a sturdy support. I can't miss this opportunity, despite what the future truly holds. I can't know that. I can only know what is happening in this moment. That and the past, which I should learn from. Why does it take so many mistakes before we learn a single lesson, though? I know, I know...sin.
It's getting a bit late. I hope to keep up with this blog, to keep thoughts flowing on religion, Christianity, what those things really mean, and what we can do about the real problem of sin. Any posts are welcome as long as they are civil and clean. I don't mind a little constructive criticism, but vulgarity exposes a lack of vocabulary and possibly even intellect. So, be honest, but tasteful. Check you all later.