Acts of God

Psalm 37:5 "Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will act."

I risk taking this verse out of context. I'm not schooled in the background of each psalm that is in the Bible. This particular psalm compares evildoers with the righteous. Laid out in the verses are the consequences of doing evil and admonition against being jealous. We are told that the little in possession of the righteous is worth much more in the hands of evildoers. The writer is wanting to convince you to trust in God. He is pointing out the errors of the wrong path. An argument is developed in the form of a poem. And there in verse 5 is this mysterious group of words. The sentence begins with a simple enough command: Commit your way to God. We sort of already knew that, didn't we? But don't we often just expect that God will act on our behalf regardless of our frame of mind? Do we not pray half-heartedly, thinking that God is going to do what he wants anyway? But we are told here in plain letters to trust God and He will act. Don't just pay Him lip-service! Don't just pray to pray! Trust Him! Believe that He hears. Listen for His answer, though it is not always easy to hear. Trust that if He says know, He knows best. When we believe, He will act! He acts, regardless of whether we believe, but it is so important to trust the God you pray to. What is the point of being a part of a religion if you don't completely sell out to God? That is what He desires. He wants a heart solely given to Him, so that He can work with it and fashion it. If we do not believe that He is doing this, or that we are capable of a tremendous change, it will not happen. We are so busy with our lives, running here and there, that we have God in His allotted time of day and leave Him there. He has become something we can't trust, because we don't know Him. Are you looking for action? Are you wondering where God is? You say you believe, but you seem to live so unsure. So trust Him. Then, watch Him answer.

Oil

Reading in 2 Kings chapter 4 has revealed something to me. I knew it in my head already. You probably do, too. If you believe in Jesus as your savior, you have received the Holy Spirit. The Spirit is represented many times in the scripture by oil. In this particular story, the prophet Elisha has recently received a double portion of his predecessor's spirit. A widow approaches him with a bit of a problem. Her husband, a son of the prophets, is dead. Because of his absence, debt has crept up on the family and the widow is in danger of losing her two children as slaves to the creditor. Elisha asks what she has in her home and she replies that she has but one vessel of oil. He instructs her to borrow many empty vessels from her neighbors and pour the oil she has into the empty vessels. Notice how she doesn't use her own empty vessels. She gets them from her neighbors. She is the one with the problem. One measly jar of oil. This is all she has and the prophet instructs her to pour it out. Yet she does it. This is the perfect image of how we are to live our lives. When we are at the end of our rope, our last jar of oil, we are to continue giving anyway. We are the vessel, pouring our portion of the Spirit into others' lives. They will then be filled, yet we still are full ourselves. We are full of blessings, full of the Spirit, full of life. Only as we continue to give in our own lacking can we truly understand the complete meaning of giving. Only in this way is Christ's potential in us even breached. Consider Christ in His last days. He was targeted for murder. He was insulted, whipped, and falsely accused. Even in the midst of this, Jesus continued to give. He didn't walk away or even defend himself. Jesus walked to the cross and with his last breaths forgave those who were killing him. Giving even with nothing left to offer. Or so it seemed. Those streams of living water were still flowing from within him in the end. They do not end. And so it is with us. When we give despite ourselves, we can continue to give of our Spiritual gift. The only time the vessel of the widow's stopped pouring was when there were no more vessels to fill. The job was finished.
In our lives, we are to pour out into empty vessels, giving using our gifts and talents. One's talent may be music and he may bless others even unknowingly. Another's gift may be in electrical work and he may bless others by helping them. Though in our worldly view of things we see different values on these gifts, they are of equal importance to the kingdom. We live off of each other so to speak, as the first church did. No one was lacking and they had every thing in common. Our job is not finished. We are to give and give and give. We give of our particular gifts and others are blessed just as we are when we let others use their gifts to bless us. So pass the oil on to others. Just give.

ID

I live in a part of the world that is inundated with a sort of cult. There is a certain university nearby whose alumni and student body are so attached to the school that their behavior is almost sickening. You can't go anywhere without seeing their colors. They assume that you know about every game and event that occurs, even if you're a graduate of their rival. I find this very disheartening, especially among the Christian believers who are a part of it. Jesus spoke to a group of followers in John chapter 8 beginning in verse 35, I believe. Here we find that oft repeated verse, "The truth will set you free." The hearers of this comforting word were not having any of it, though. Their claim was a strange one which mingled truth and lie. "We are descendants of Abraham! We've never been slaves to anyone. How can we be set free, then?"
These folks thought they had it figured out. They had their identity. Somehow, they knew who they were (but not really) and no one was going to change their mind about it.
Jesus replies by telling them that everyone who sins is a slave to sin. He challenges their foundation by saying in a nutshell, "If you're Abraham's children then act like it!" These folks were out to kill Jesus. He lets them know that he knows. Still they argue about who they really are and how they don't need a savior.
Back at the beginning of the conversation, before the whole "the truth will set you free" line, Jesus told his followers that if they continue in his word they would truly be his disciples. Jesus gave them a short description of what a Christian, though they weren't known by that name at the time, would look like. Elsewhere he gave this description: Love the Lord Your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself. Sure, that's the greatest commandment, yet Jesus quoted this to a group who asked what the greatest commandment is. I think in saying that, that Jesus intended for us to see his will. This is what he wants from us. All the other laws and what the prophets said are wrapped up in this commandment. This is what we are to look like. In essence, with a few exceptions, our career choice, school choice, spousal choice, and many other things don't matter as long as we are putting God first. That is how we will be identified. Our love for God and for one another.
Let me bring this all together, now. Our identity is found in Christ. Others will see this identity because of our love for God and for each other. In reality, we seek our identification in things like alma maters, career choice, political parties, denominations, skin color, Coke or Pepsi, etc. The world sees this and wonders why we even believe in a God. If God is who we say He is, then why do we treat Him with such disdain? Why is the Creator of the universe not our central figure? We're human, but within those of us who believe there is the Holy Spirit. Therein lies the power to overcome and to be the Christians we are called to be. We must change our character and our affiliations or we will only look more and more like the world.

Rabbit Problems

I am convinced that we are afraid of ourselves. We get up every morning and look in the mirror and just think of ways to change so that who we really are can't catch up to us. That new car is nicer, faster, cooler, sleeker, and will completely fool the real me. If I dress like (insert role model here) then I won't look like myself; I'll totally blend in with the rest of the world. The one thing humans seem to hate more than anything, especially American humans, is down time. It means that we have pulled the old hare's trick and the tortoise will end up passing us while we're breathing. That just can't happen. After all, life is all about winning the race. First place is the only option. Second place is the first loser. Funny how we've never asked ourselves who defined the loser and the winner. I think it was Jesus, the Word, who said that the last shall be first and the first shall be last. So, if you're a loser in the eyes of the world, you're a winner in the eyes of the Word. To slow down and take a breath seems to us to be a sin. Filling every moment with activity, even if the activity is drinking beer and watching tv, is the key. That will keep us ahead of the dreaded tortoise. The tortoise is the one who is going slow enough to really truly see what the heck is going on around him. That's how he noticed that the rabbit was sitting off the road in the bushes napping. Mr. Tortoise actually took the time to look and see. If we really want to win the all important race, we've got to keep our eyes open and slow down. Check out what Paul wrote. Our eyes must stay on the prize. Also in the Bible we find David the Psalmist, Job, and others writing about looking inside and meditating on their sins and the Word. This isn't the meditation that empties the mind, but that is even more cleansing because there is no running and hiding. Everything gets brought out in the open and we get to say to ourselves, "I don't like that part of me. Let's do something about it." That is when Jesus empowers us through the Holy Spirit. That is where the rubber meets the road. We can do it, but first we have to get off the road. I think that both the tortoise and the hare had something right. The tortoise new he had to be paying attention and take it easy. The hare noticed that if he went as hard as he could all the time, he was bound to crash and miss something important eventually. So what is it that I'm trying to say? Slow down. Do some self-evaluation. Ask God to help and really listen to Him. Then act on it. Repent. Share your thoughts for this was a quick write.

People

I am learning a thing or two about the human race. Their self-absorption causes a complete lack of honest communication. That lack of communication leaves space for us to fill in the blank. For some reason, we always expect the worse. We absolutely refuse to talk to the source of what my be nothing! I have been observing this in the school setting. Is it our need to be right that causes us to not get to the bottom of a problem? Are we afraid of the truth? This is one of those things where the truth will set you free! We practically hand ourselves over to a spirit of division and negativity that cannot come from God. What do you think about this? Please respond. What can we do to get rid of this problem. Is it even possible? Post your ideas as responses.

Relevance

I write these questions well aware that I have a link on my page to a magazine called Relevant. That said: what exactly does it mean to be relevant? Derek Webb might be referring to this when he uses the term "dress me like the culture." It could be that Paul wrote about relevance when he said that he became all things to all people that he might win some. But what about us? Today, there seems to be little difference between the church and the world, yet still the church seems to be shrinking in numbers. If changing the sound of the music, the facade of the building, and other cosmetic trivialities are supposed to make us relevant and more acessible, then why is there no change? Why do we even need to be relevant? Do we not trust God enough to let him work through us despite the differences? Last time I checked, there is supposed to be a difference between the Christian and the non-believer. Galatians alys out for us the fruit of the Spirit and the deeds of the flesh. Though we remain sinners, we are to be progressing so that there is more fruit and fewer deeds; more of Christ and less of us. I've begun reading a book called In the Name of Jesus by Henri Nouwen. The first chapter talks about going from relevance to prayer. I'm still chewing on what he says there, but so far what I understand is that we cannot offer anything to people or to God except what we are. We surrender ourselves to them because we may not always be talking to someone who we are easily relevant to. We may have nothing in common with them, but we are still called to love them. I'll add more later. give me your thoughts.

Long Time No Blog

Almost a year since the last entry. Very much has happened since then. In August, I finally graduated from college. Shortly afterward, I took a job in Brenham as an English/Reading/Journalism teacher. In addition to teaching those junior high classes, I also oversee the chapel services at the school. I hope to take up where I left off, entering my thoughts and rants and other useful and/or useless words. It's been too long.
God rules.

How Lonely

Every time Shane turns over, the red numbers inform him that another hour has passed. It won't be long before the jarring sounds of the alarm would begin. This routine of sleep and wakefulness has been the norm lately. Though there is really nothing overtly worrying in Shane's life, his nights are spent taking inventory of his life. That is what he's doing now. He thinks of his wife, whom he loves dearly and depends on more than she knows. Their children are all sleeping peacefully, trusting that dad can protect them from anything. His job is secure, though just as monotonous as everyone else's. His church crosses his mind and the time he spends there each week. Then his thoughts turn to God. Nothing seems out of place to him, yet he still seems so lonely in the damp night.
How could he be lonely? With everything he has in his life there is still a void that hasn't been reached. He's tried talking to people about his feelings. His wife understands and relates, yet cannot do anything more for him. His pastor hears, but tells him to wait patiently for God. He asks God but from he only hears...
God. Does he hear? Is he listening? There seems to be no answer. Shane still feels out of reach and untapped. So much more is there for him to offer, yet no one dares look beneath the surface. God, who is supposed to discern the heart, seems no different this evening. God, who wants more than anything our intimacy, doesn't answer like Shane wants. So Shane thinks about how his prayers. They're each so passe and similar. He wonders if his heart is truly in it. He wonders if he really believes that God hears them, though he does know. He turns once more from the clock's red eyes to the dark window in his bedroom and remembers the lines he once read in a poem.
"I'm too alone in the world, yet not alone enough
to make each hour holy.
I'm too small in the world, yet not small enough
to be simply in your presence, lilke a thing --
just as it is."
As that stanza repeats in his memory, Shane rises quietly from his bed and leaves his bedroom. Sporting his pajamas, Shane goes out the front door into the rain and looks upward, the drops pattering his face. Shane smiles and closes his eyes in gratitude.

The lines of poetry are from Rilke's Book of Hours: Love Poems to God, book 1 poem 13

Kingdom

Warning. I've been thinking. Lately I've been thinking about the kingdom of God and how it applies to our lives every day. We talk about being kingdom subjects, under the lordship of Yaweh, but how do we see it and experience it? When I pray, I try to follow the Lord's Prayer example as closely as I can and I always pray for God's kingdom to come on earth as it is in heaven.
There is a recent song that has been released by Derek Webb. The chorus is this, "My first allegiance is not to a flag, a country or a man. My first allegiance is not to democracy or blood. It's to a King and a kingdom." Admittedly, I find myself in a strange place. I am a Christian who sometimes doesn't want that label. I see that Christians are defined as zealous patriots and white, middle class Republicans. I don't always feel patriotic. I am undoubtedly white and in the lower middle class. But before any of these definitions touch me, I am a child of God.
I am a kingdom subject. I am an ambassador of God's kingdom, which exists already all around us. But what does that mean? Does it mean that I am hand out brochures about how great heaven is? Heaven isn't really the goal of the Christian life. Christ is. But how do we as the church get Christ to people? Do we merely invite them to church and hope they hear something they like? Do we adjust our prayers and lives to make them comfortable? How do we convince them that God's kingdom is real?That leads me back to the earlier questions. How do we experience God's kingdom? Only then can we share it with others.
In God's kingdom there will be health without limit. Our new bodies will be complete and without suffering. There will be peace. There will be no death, no jealousy, no listless wandering. Everything will point to the Glory which is God. There will be love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, self-control.
These things are what we are to be living in. Healing. Peace. Harmony. I'm starting to sound like John Lennon. But what is it that people are on about all over the world? Is it not peace, healing, harmony...?
Scripture teaches us that it will not come until Jesus does. So are we to sit back and retain our sinfulness until Jesus returns? Absolutely not! We are to live in the kingdom. Let it come to us as it is in heaven. Healing those we can. Bringing peace when we are able. Being at peace with all men as much as it is possible.We are to be more and more Christ like in our lives.
This is how we will be partakers of the redemption of the world. We decrease. Our names are less and less important. The spotlight on us fades as the light inside us grows and overtakes it, the light that is Jesus. Our hearts become well springs of life that others are able to partake of. We will have all things in common. I could go on.
But as it is, we separate ourselves from the world by definition instead of by action and citizenship. We come against those things which we are told our fight is not against. Our war is with things unseen. We see the effects of that war, and like medicine these days, we attack the symptoms and leave the disease to fester and grow.
Pray that God will send His Holy Spirit. Pray that you will be filled. Pray that the kingdom comes on earth as it is in heaven.

Momre Blessings

First things first. The kingdom of heaven is present around you and me. Mostly unseen, but there. And so we pray that God's will be done here on earth the same as it is in heaven. Visible and tangible and real. But then there's the curse. That wretched bind that refuses to release our hearts and minds fully to God.
That said, we move to Jesus' words. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. I could go into a long description of different types and intensities of persecution, but that isn't what I need to do. Persecution is for you and God to hash out. I believe He knows it better than I, so ask Him.
Here's the thing, though. When you let Jesus act through you to show his love and power in the world, you may get strange looks. You may be ousted, even from those claiming to know God. Wherever it is from is irrelevant. In that moment of pain, you experience a small taste of what Jesus endured for you. You also get an open window into the kingdom of heaven.
Your eyes are a little more open to miracles. You see God working a bit more and hopefully take initiative in pitching in. Maybe gifts become revealed to you. The thing is you are walking closer with God, sharing in his suffering be it ever so little.
For this reason, rejoice when you are persecuted. And don't get down. Pay attention and see if God doesn't let you in a little more intimately than before.

Peaceful Sons

Jealousy. Envy. Disappointment. Anger. Depression. Arrogance. Low Self-Esteem. Addiction. These things and more do one thing in our lives above all else. They create divisions. Take a look around you. Think back to younger days. Visualize how people are automatically categorized upon appearance, ability, education. Think about how even our churches are separated and categorized by color, denomination, theology and even commitment. Do you realize that this is one thing we rarely hear in our prayer requests? Unity among men in the name of Jesus is important. But daily we perpetuate the division by trying o prove that we're right and everyone else is wrong. We spend so much time trying to persuade people of our beliefs, sometimes we even try to persuade ouselves, that we miss out on the blessing of the Truth!
Jesus, in the book of Matthew, is recorded to have said, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God." Later on he says that a tree is recognized by its fruit. If peacemakers are called sons of God, then wouldn't that be one of the signs of a child of God? Creating peace instead of tearing down the vision.
What do you see when you look at people? Samuel Jackson played in a movie where the character called his attorney on the carpet for his prejudice. He complained because when he was mentioned of seen he was seen as a black man. In all actuality he was a man. Just a man. That's what he wanted to be known as. Not black. Not short. Not handsome or homely. He bleeds just the same as everyone else.
It seems to me that there is a right. Jesus is that right. He is the Truth after all. As children of God we should be seeking to unify our brothers and sisters, finding the places where we agree and agreeing to disagree in other places. As long as Jesus is the true center, then why can't we live together in peace? No more denominations. No more First, Second and Third Baptist churches. Just the people of God, claiming to be just that and changing the world in the process. Blessed ar ethe peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

Blessed

The heart. It is a final frontier for most of the world. It tends to be a place we talk about and speculate over how to fix it and work on it. But we rarely go there. Scripture tells us we should guard it above all else, for it is the wellspring of life. Our mouths speak with what overflows from the heart. The heart is the very center of our being. It makes us who and what we are. And every day our heart is bombarded with life. From the very day we were conceived and our lives were being formed, experiences have shaped who we'd be. Genetically and emotionally and physically our hearts were formed. And this continues, though many choose to guard what has already happened to their heart and leavie it as it is. Many have hearts that resemble salvage yard sweethearts, rusted and beat up with parts missing here and there. The color is gone and that's just the way it is. Others have fewer dents and dings, but still have a hardened heart in some respects.
The problem with this is that we not only experience the world from our hearts, but we interact with and see the world from them. This means that the shape our heart is in affects our reaction to what the world dishes out. A hardened heart will be cold and callous in response. A weakened heart will give up. The view is always marred from a human heart. What is truly going on is invisible or at the least blurry. It is like trying to look out a windshield that has been pelted with rocks. You can see a little, but visibility is quite limited.
A clean heart would be ideal. A heart that has been renovated and refurbished; renewed. Another word is redeemed. Jesus said that one with a pure heart is blessed because they will see God. God is truth. Unmarred. Unblurred. Crystal clear. None of us can see him perfectly in our lives for our hearts have been under attack for years. Even those who have learned to guard them still have a ways to go to get them refinished.
Here is the irony. In order to see God, you must trust him. No amount of religious exercise and healthy diet will fix our hearts. Do you want to see God? Invite him in and let him go to work. He pulls out the dents. He seals the cracks. He's giving you new life and a new heart.
Many will try to get along with such low visibility and crash along the way, only adding to the pain and the damage in the heart. All it takes is spending time forming a relationship with Jesus. Talk with him. Listen to him. Hear him. Hang out with him. Let him get to know you and get to know him. Before you know it, you start to see him in the world around you. Then you begin to know you're blessed.

Shining

http://www.ps260.com/molly/SHINING%20FINAL.mov

If possible, watch the above link before you read on.


I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did. I've watched that trailer several times. You know what I like about it? It is a picture of redemption. The first thing you have to realize, is that all of those clips are taken from a movie called The Shining, based on one of Stephen King's early novels.
The original story is about Jack Torrance and his family during a winter snowed into the Overlook hotel in Colorado. Jack is a struggling writer and thinks that being the off-season caretaker in a a luxurious Colorado hotel will help to up his creativity. Danny, the child in the story, has a supernatural gift. He learns from another man who shares the gift that it is called the shining.
As Jack struggles with his writing, he begins to fall back into his alcoholism and is haunted by spirits that live in the hotel. He begins to lose his mind and becomes a threat to himself and his family. It isn't a pretty sight, as you can imagine.
In this new version, Jack and Danny start their lives apart, but end up together as a family, making things better for both of them. The theme of hopelessness and insane violent outbursts is replaced with love and connection.
Jesus said that the pure in heart were blessed, for they will see God. Being pure in heart does not look like The Shining. Many of our inner beings are like that, though. We're ugly. We hide violent and angry thoughts. Some of us harbor grudges and others just live them out by looking down on others. Possibly, we see the problem and want nothing more than to be free, but we can't get there. We remain held prisoner to what seems to be part of our character and personality.
But with a bit of connection and love with the living God, we become pure in heart. When we see our dark heart and desire otherwise, when we recognize that Jesus is in the business of polishing this kind of thing up, then we can accept that from him. Despite our rotten interior and our humanistic instinct, we become pure in heart. And when we know that, it begins to become true, like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Only God is doing it. And we become less and less troubled inside and start shining.

Fault

"Are you alright?" I was peering through smoke and steam into the window of what was once a compact car.
"Can you hear me? You okay?"
Some movement, then the drivers' side door opened with a howl. The blond brat stepped out, coughing and squinting. She was breathing, at least.
"Are you hurt?" Could she hear me?
"I don't think so," she muttered, looking worriedly at the air bag burns on her forearms.
"Can you walk?"
"Yeah."
I took her to the curb where she sat down, her knees level with her soaked eyes. I asked where her insurance and license were. She didn't know.
"Were you carrying your license?"
"No. Well...No, I don't....I don't have it."
I'll spare you the sputtering she did through tears. She was only 14. The car was her older sister's. She didn't have a license or a vehicle of her own.
Her countenance was quite different from what it had been earlier. I was sitting at the light just three blocks away, waiting for traffic to slow so that I could turn left. My concentration was broken by screaming and honking. The noise was from this girl. I guess she thought I should speed through the traffic onto the west bound street to make way for her. I finally turned and put some silence between us.
I drove for a few more blocks, checking my rear views to see how fast the gap would close up. My hand slipped up the right hand signal. I checked one last time the mirror. Plenty of space between us. I'll turn right and be out of her way.
One exhilarating moment later, I was facing south and rolling north. When the rolling stopped, I gathered my equilibrium and saw the girl, I called her a brat and other things at the time. Her car was more the shape of a discarded soda can than a vehicle.
I made my way around my car to find the right side mangled. That's where you joined the story. Me at her window.
I looked at her car from my place next to the curb. Someone else was in there.
"Who's your friend?"
"Marcie!!!" Her answer was loud and concerned. She jumped up. I put my hands on her shoulders and told her to sit back down. I'd check on Marcie.
She was slumped over, but her chest was heaving. I grabbed the steering wheel and bent over. Marcie had lost quite a bit of blood from her face. Her seat-belt wasn't fastened.
Someone must have called 911. Sirens and lights invaded the eerie serenity of the scene in no time.I looked at the girl. Her name was Hope. That I overheard as she answered the policeman's questions. I meandered to the curb by my own car. I observed the clean up crew from the wrecker that made the scene first. The car was loaded on the trailer. The glass was swept up. The truck drove away, its diesel engine clattering the whole way.
Poor Hope. Fourteen. No license. No car. From this vantage point, no future. Even if her parents were easy on her, no way would the judge let this much pass by. My car was fixable, I saw. Not so bad. I'd lose it for a few days and have to drive a loaner. Hope would be lucky if she ever got to drive.
Officer Stanley approached me, his black boots grinding the asphalt into my eardrums. I shared the story. I was south bound and stopped at the intersection. I decided to cross the street we stood on and didn't see the girl coming. Stanley took notes, glanced at me and strode off to his partner.
Yeah. I lied. Forgive me. I felt sorry for Hope. She was going to get the book thrown at her. The least I could do is take the blame for the accident. The thought of what lying to a police officer could get me never crossed my mind. Not until Officer Stanley came back my way, that is.
"There's a problem," he said.
"Okay."
I was shaking and I knew it. I'm not a good liar.
"Ms. Charters doesn't remember much, but some witnesses say she attempted to pass you as you turned right off of Boston St."
"No. I was coming from the north, on Roller."
That gaze of his was hard. He wrote me a ticket.
"Don't move."
He returned to his compatriot and I paced like a madman. I saw him speaking to Hope and a few other witnesses. Hope looked at me and back at Officer Stanley. She nodded and turned to a man standing behind her. I assume it was Mr. Charters.
Officer Stanley came up to me and asked for the ticket. It billowed a bit in my hand before he took it. He pulled out a marker and scribbled on it. He folded it in half and placed it in my hand, closing my fist around it.
"It's taken care of."
And about face and he was back at the patrol car, entering data on the on-board computer. I looked down at the folded yellow slip of paper in my palm. Marcie was on a stretcher, I saw. The medic spoke some words to her and her head nodded against the neck brace she had on.
Alive. Good. I ambled to my car as the second wrecker came for it. While the crew worked at loading the wreck, I unfolded the ticket in my hand to see what damage I had avoided. In bold black letters that bled through the yellow slip was this message, "Matt 5-7."
What is that supposed to mean? I turned to look at the scene once again. I saw Hope embracing her family and Marcie being given a chance at life. That seemed to be enough for me.

Hungry

I couldn't stand it anymore. Another elderly man was found stabbed to death in his own home. That makes three violent crimes in one small town in one week. How did we get to this?
I waited until I caught the weather forecast for the next day. Then I switched the news off. The guide showed that another news program was going to cover transsexuals in the United States. In my mind I just think of the old cliche, "Hate the sin, love the sinner." But the thought doesn't do much for how I really feel. I wish I could love easier.
Since I am uninterested in what makes a man want to be a woman and vice versa, I turn over to the other channel. Great new show. CSI Austin. They oughta be able to catch a lot of wackos down there. Keep Austin weird. Isn't that what the bumper stickers say?
The show kicks off with a violent gang bang with all sorts of fancy special effects on the bodily fluids. Of course, the culprits are unknown and the investigators have to track them down through the glorious seedy underground. Beautiful drug addicted women and their muscular hairless boy toys fight over who deserves more attention and cash.
No more. Loss of eyesight just isn't worth it. Off with the television. I crack a book. It seems just another pastor writing out his plan for a good life. But I'm not him so I lose interest quick.
Now I'm bored. I could hit the internet and Google some things. Inevitably I'll end up somewhere I don't belong. I'll have to erase the hard drive to keep any evidence from creeping up later on. It's not really worth it.
I could take a walk, but it's after dark. Besides, I might get a cold. I can't afford that. I wish there was something better to do. I want something that doesn't deal with other people's lust. I want conversation to feed off of. I just want to hear some wholesome truth and be able to swap ideas on it. Is there anyone out there who just wants honest companionship? Doesn't someone want more than fleeting passionate flesh fulfillment?
I want righteousness. I hunger for it. I want it and I need it. Sure, I watch CSI and the evening news. It absolutely grates my conscience sometimes. It's not like I repeat the crimes. But still I want more. I want to sit with other adults and trade ideas about what Jesus said and wants. Then I want to put those words and thoughts into action in the power of the Spirit of God.
Jesus said I'd be filled if I hunger and thirst for righteousness. I hope he brings the plates by soon.

On the Road

The white stripes passed beneath his dangling arm at a furious pace. Wind from the friction caused by speed blew hot on his face through the lowered window. At the time, he wasn't sure which was faster; the beat of the pistons or his pounding pulse. He brought in his left hand to take the wheel so that his right could twist the radio knobs. When a firm signal was found, Jude cranked the volume. He hoped to drive the angry voices out of his mind and drown out the noisy blast of the wind.
"I can't stand this indecision, married with a lack of vision. Everybody wants to rule the world."
Could the lyrics have been any more true? Jude was 34. Jude was in a dead end job. Jude was cruising the interstate to get to his hometown. Jude's father was leaving this world. Jude felt lost. Jude had no one he felt he could turn to.
To start with, he just lost his third engagement. Maybe it was time for a new ring. Maybe it was time to decide what to do with his life. He'd studied music to start out with in college. Very soon he realized that he wasn't cut out for anything that required discipline. He merely wanted a good job. Who didn't, right? Now, working as salesman in a music store in a strip mall, he realized that he could do better. Apparently three women in his life had thought that as well. They all gave the same reason for breaking things off.
"You don't know where you're going."
Katie, the last love to leave, added another thought. "It's too hard to love someone who doesn't love himself."
"I do love myself!!!" Jude thought as his right foot grew heavier upon the accelerator. But, that was a lie. He desired a complete degree. He wanted someone to love him. He longed for steady and challenging employment that paid well. Jude wanted fulfillment.
That was all.
The sun dipped and Jude adjusted the visor. A photo fell into his lap and drifted to the floorboard. Jude leaned forward and with his calloused fingertips teased the photo nearer. He grasped it and the wheel slipped for a moment. His Cavalier swerved into the rumble strip. Jude's life flashed before his eyes as he tossed the photo aside and took the wheel in both hands.
The car lurched to a halt, a billowing cloud of dust enveloping the car. Jude lay his head on the steering wheel and cursed. He flopped back against the seat, his lungs doing all they could to supply his heart with more oxygen. The photo was on the seat next to him and he picked it up again. "What was so important that I would nearly kill myself" he thought.
It was Jude in the photo. He had a smile, something rarely seen with him these days. He was on the hood of his Cavalier with two close friends from high school. They were all about 25 in the still frame. James, the suit on the left side of the photo, was now an entrepreneur. He finished his masters in business and created a small chain of specialty chocolate shops in the northeast corner of the U.S. The other friend, Josh, was an electrician who lived in the suburbs with his wife and three kids.
Then there is Jude. He's still got the same car, the same job, the same marital status and the same bleak outlook.
"I've got to finish school. I've got to find a wife. I need a better job. A new car. A new apartment. How about a new life?!?"
He thought about James and Josh. James was doing well, but was still single. He never seemed to mind, though. He always said, "The right girl will show up and they'll both know it. Until then, I've got a life to live."
Josh's life was very modest. His wife worked part time as a substitute teacher while he did contract electrical work. He wasn't wealthy in any worldly sense. They got by.
Then Jude saw himself for what he was. In the dust cloud of his spin out the light of epiphany shone brightly. No woman would ever make Jude happy. No job would ever make life enjoyable. No money, no car, no thing could change life for Jude. The only thing in the world preventing Jude from realizing he had all he needed was Jude.
Meek is an outdated word for us, but we would do well to learn it. It means showing patience and humility. The two hardest things for people to have are part of what Jesus tells us will make us blessed. Patience and humility are necessary to get through any set of goals. You have to work to get through school. You have to wait for the right partner to come along. You must build wealth of one kind or another over time. You have to start at the bottom. Realizing that will change your outlook on life.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. The truly meek don't want the earth. They do realize that they have all they need right where they are, and all they need are the things that can't be bought.

Dance

When she danced, I swear it seemed that her feet never touched the floor. It was as if she were gliding on air. To top that, she was a looker. I mean that in a respectful manner. Her evening gown was blood red and reached all the way to the floor. The neckline was modest. She smiled at every one who passed by, carrying on in small talk and pleasantries. And yet, she never had the last word and never left a conversation unfinished. Beautiful and genuinely nice are not always traits shared by one person. Inner and outer light are rarely together. Yet there she was.
Stranger than that, she had asked me to the dance. My feet were practically nailed to the floor and my back to the wall. I held the punch for her while she graced the hardwood floor with her movements. Every man's eye was trained on her like the needle of a compass pointing north. No matter where she glided to, eyes glazed in wonder followed. Mine were included.
I watched as she danced song after song, never letting me forget that her request for me to join her was open. Men were lined up to cut the rug with her. Slow songs and tangos, waltzes and jitterbugs; nothing escaped her. She never broke a sweat. Even when some of the less genteel men attempted to misuse her or take advantage of a close moment, she simply spun away and moved to the next waiting partner.
The night seemed to go on forever. I never left my spot on the wall. Admittedly, I felt ashamed. She wanted to dance and had asked me to escort her. Yet there I was, two left feet and two drinks in my hand. My esteem dwindled as her dance partners showed her that they too could trip the live fantastic as it were. I had no game on this court.
At the last minutes of the last hour the last dance was announced. Her flowing dress trailed her as she made what seemed to me to be the obligatory request. Only this time she stopped and took the drinks from my hand. Setting them on the nearby table, she linked arms with me and pulled me out onto the floor.
I didn't know how to respond. I loved her and I thought she loved me. But here she was willing to embarass both of us in front of everyone we knew. I tried to stop her. I begged. I told her I couldn't dance to save my life. I pointed out seven other men who had more moves in their little toe than I had in my entire body.
She merely put her finger to my lips as the song began and looke into my eyes.
"I could dance with any number of men who have studied the moves and practiced doing everything right. They would look good with me on the floor. But they've never once showed me the thing I know you have."
Stunned, I managed, "What is that?"
"Love."

There are practices and traditions and rituals that many churches practice. Even prayer and communion fall under this guise. And many people do it so well, dipping the bread just so and getting the 'amen's' and 'hallelujah's' just right. But the heart is not there. God looks not at outward appearance, but at the heart. So you stutter when you pray? Is your heart in it? If so, then God hears and honors that prayer. Don't worry about how well you can dance, just dance with the one who brought you.

The Mourning

4Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Matthew 5:4

I bet you've lost your keys before. You've probably lost the television remote control. It's highly likely that you've lost at least five dollars in the couch cushions or in the laundry. I imagine that, except for a little inconvenience, there wasn't much suffering and pain going on.
I've seen those court shows where the plaintiff is suing for $5000, 1000 for car damages in a minor accident and $4000 for emtional suffering. Give me a break. Unless you lose a limb or a family member, there can't be much suffering in that way.
It's called mourning. That is emotional suffering. And no amount of money will do away with it or heal it. All it does is drive insurance rates up and medical bill up to cover the insurance rates. No one wins.
Mourning occurs when something valuable beyond monetary measure is loss. A spouse. A close friend. A son or daughter. It could also happen if you feel like you've let someone down and they've let you know that you have. It is a feeling that something needs to be fixed, a hole needs patching and there is nothing you cna do about it. You've asked for explanations. You've begged forgiveness for whatever you did to bring this all about. You've cried, and wept and cried some more. It is grief and only time can make it fade.
It is part of life for those who love. Those who seem not to mourn, most likely do not love what they've lost. They could just be hiding the pain. This person may claim to be over it. But pain does not heal when ignored. It may grow silent, but it will return during a song or a certain smell. Then you're overwhelmed with all the emotions involved in grief at once, instead of a bit at a time.
The pain won't heal or fade quickly. But think of what a child does when they hurt. They don't try to hide the pain. A child may grow angry and lash back at the inflictor. They cry out and eventually run to mom.
Jesus said that those who mourn are blessed. If you do not mourn, you deny your humanity. You deny that you love something. And you miss out on receiving love. Those who mourn are blessed, for only when you admit your pain can you be comforted. You aren't healed, but comforted, listened to and given a shoulder to cry on. You are given the promise that you will carry on. This comes from God. And without mourning, there can be no comfort.
They say that the first step to overcoming any problem is to admit that it is there. God can only be there for you if you let him. Give it over to him.

Poor in Spirit

3"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:3

Jesus came directly from his test in the desert and taught. He introduced the kingdom of heaven to people, healing and teaching. The crowd grew, forcing him from the synagogues to the side of a mountain, where he described kingdom life.
The first thing he says is that those who have every reason to be angry, depressed, frustrated and giving up should be happy. Blessed are the poor in spirit, he says. As it says in the Message, "You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope."
Think of what spirit is here. If you had pep rallies in high school, the goal was to increase the spirit of your team. There were cheerleaders, music, cheering crowds and encouragement. Signs were hung to give confidence in the team. The enemy was usually given some sort of insult and sometimes mascots were even stolen to reduce the opponent's morale.
Unfortunately, life isn't like that. We don't have people at our side at all times cheering us on and playing our song to lift us up. The band Survivor isn't following us to work singing Eye of the Tiger for us. We have to face life alongside each other, doing what we can to encourage one another when we can and sometimes we're so busy entering our own troubles, we forget others.
Day after day we struggle to make everything work out and we grow weary doing it. Then Jesus says we should be happy. What?!?
John the Baptist said it well. I must decrease and he must increase. When we're at the end of our rope, when we have nothing left to give of ourselves, that is where God increases and we see his power. At that point, we realize that we aren't doing anything on our own and we don't have to dao anything else on our own. God is there. We are blessed. Now, if only we'd remind ourselves of this.

Crumbs from your Table...

You speak of signs and wonders, but I need something other.
I would believe if I was able. But I'm waiting on the crumbs from your table.
-U2

I haven't spoke with Bono personally about the meaning of this song. But walk with me a moment. In your mind's theater place a table. It is one of those long tables, solid oak with a cherry finish. Gorgeous. There is an embroidered runner that spans the entire length of the table, jutting off of the ends to hang only a few inches. Upon this table is a feast for the ages. Delicacies abound and those seated are gorging themselves without restraint. Puddings, duck, roast beef, steamed vegetables at just the right tender-crispness; they're all there.
Those seated are well dressed, mostly. Some are a bit more casual. They each have their place, marked by a card with their name. They laugh and chat with one another as old friends. From your vantage point, away from the table, you can see that some of them steal from others' plates, even though the spread seems unending and there is more than enough for any of them. Upon closer listen, they aren't all laughing. Some are arguing. There is a bit of rage in their voices and they continue on, arguing the same points over and over with no conclusion in sight.
Now look around you. Here, seated on the floor, are more people. Each them with glassy eyes stare at the feasters. They don't seem like beggars and they don't look hungry in a physical sense. But their eyes say something else. The faces of the masses of observers are twisted in confusion and some in anger. Some have terror and others sadness. You can follow their gaze to the table and see that though there are many chairs around the table and each is taken, there is plenty of room for more seating. Still, the unpleasant aroma of pride rises from the table and its conversations. Still, the observers look on, unseen or unheard.
The conversations, the arguments are theological in nature. The arguments are over silly things like dress, musical styles, tolerance, sin, and money. Stories are shared of how God has blessed these who take of the meal, the gluttons who write books for others to buy and read and hopefully change to be like them and get the blessings, too. And someone says, "But look around you." The voice is loud and commanding. The eyes of the observers are still on the table. The heads of those who feast swing around to the voice's owner.
"Look around you. Look at those faces. Some hunger for food. Some hunger for health. Some hunger for acceptance. All hunger for love. What can we do about it?"
The feasters turn back to one another and begin again to argue on what the best way to take care of them would be.
All the while, the owner of the voice sits back down, beaten.
"There is only one way," he thinks. "I've got to leave my seat. I've got to get up and take my full plate to them." And so he does. But only a small number of the thousands of observers get to eat.
"It's hopeless alone. I can't do it without help."
And the song rises. Those around the table hear, "You speak of signs and wonders, but we need something other. We would believe if we were able, but we're waiting on the crumbs from your table."
While we put together teams for ministry inside our homes and churches, good things yes, we leave out the observers. These are the ones who see mostly selfishness when they see the church. They see that we will help, but only as much as the rest of the world. As we talk our religious talk about being born again, they are dying before birth. They don't understand how God can be so great and his followers so self centered. To be honest, I don't get it either. I am an enigma to myself. Much like Paul when he said, "I do what I don't want to do and what I want to do I don't do." Something like that.
All we need is a balance of grace and action in faith. We grow by serving. Is this right?