Living For: A Ramble

2 Corinthians 5:14-15 - 14 For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; 15 and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.
I read somewhere once that it is easier to die for something than to live for it. Consider the life of the soldier. Carrying his gear, he marches across fields and awaits the moment when the rounds are whizzing around him and he must fight back. Despite training, I imagine there is still a sense of fear, of tension, that creeps in. Staying alive becomes difficult. Dying is easy. Fighting is the hard thing. Make a correlation to everyday life. The decisions that we make day to day affect our living and dying. Some are simple decisions such as whether or not to drive in the wrong lane on the freeway. Other decisions are more difficult, such as the decision to eat healthier and reject that appetite for sugar and fat. I want to apply this spiritually, though. Because of our rebellion against God, we deserve death (death is separation from God). We are born into that life, yet God made a way for us to avoid that separation. His son took that death for us. In a sick sort of irony, though, we are able to still accept that death. Accepting that death is easy. All it requires is following our earthly lusts. In America, we seem to reach for that death while still claiming to live for something. Usually, we claim to live for something in order to make ourselves feel better. In essence, we are only living for ourselves by dying.
Personally, I want to live for something greater than myself, and I want to do so by living. This is what Jesus meant when he told his disciples that all who discover their life will lose it, but all who lose it for his sake will surely find their life. This morning I read a reminder that life is not about us, but about God. So it is for Him that we should live. For Americans, this is difficult because we must give up so much. We just came out of the Christmas season, a season which is saturated in the selfish "gimme" attitude. I found myself wanting things, but not knowing what they were. This desiring has just become a part of who we are. In order to live for God, a lot of our own desires should be pushed aside.
Living for something requires choices, hard choices. Living for Christ requires very tough choices. Mostly, it requires putting everyone else before ourselves. As some have said: Jesus, Others, You = joy.
As I find myself in a time where I want to throw a hughe pity party, this concept of living for Christ becomes difficult. What makes it even more difficult is the fact that the change I seek is to be in a more full time ministry. I hear conflicting arguments. On the one hand, God wants us to be happy and joyful, so what he asks of us will not make us miserable. On the other hand, Jesus said that he did not come to bring peace, but a sword. Our following him won't be easy at all. We'll meet all kinds of fierce opposition (much worse than removing prayer from school). We will be arrested, stoned, tortured, ridiculed, etc. What Christ wants of us is to find joy in him, not in circumstances. The discussion I want to see happening is on this question: how do we find joy in Christ? How do we break free from circumstancial joy and rejoice even in our suffering? In other words, how do we live for Christ?

A Blog Post

Recently, opportunities and encouragements to write have been thrown my way. I am pondering these things in my heart as it were. I am grabbing the opportunities as they come. I am writing now. Unlike my last posts, this one will be less a devotional thought, more a journal entry. Thoughts in pixels for stranger and friend alike to read. Time is spent peering back at my life. I began an artist. I still sketch and draw from time to time. Later, I discovered that music is deeply rooted within me. Preaching is a part of my repertoire as well as teaching. Singing came later, but still is something I am good at. I have been a graphic artist in my life. In each of these varied activities I could get more detailed. My brother and I were in a band together for a while, then we played and led worship in a church together. We each continued to play but separately. I've been a part of a team that won a silver Addy award in advertising, but have designed things such as Yellow Page ads, too. There are two churches in Amarillo, TX that bear my logo designs on their signs. I have preached for a homeless mission, a large Baptist church and a very small Baptist church. Writing devotionals for my friends was done for quite some time in there somewhere. Currently I teach junior high English and Literature and high school Journalism. Now the encouragement is there to write on a higher level. You might call it a professional (though unpaid) level.
This is merely a list. It isn't meant to be an arrogant rant of my accomplishments. I've really done nothing the world might call spectacular or successful with these things. I am good at all of them, though. So what does someone with so many options do, especially when they are horrible at making decisions? I believe that all of these things, these gifts and talents, will be redeemed. When and where are not for me to know; God is sovereign. Finally, though, I know where my heart is and were I am heading. I am God's. He is the one I want to serve. My heart is his for his children, be they teenagers or adults or little ones. I know I'll be in more of a ministry (read as pastor of some sort) role somewhere down my road. For now I must remain obedient. Pray that I do not lose heart.

Faith, repentance, diligence, endurance - these are some of the tools stored in the box of a conqueror. Tonight I taught on this subject to the group of teenagers I lead. Many of them face demons of a sort that I never thought of at that age. Before we jumped into Revelations we read from Hebrews 11. In the latter part of the chapter, descriptions are there of a people who were dressed in lowly clothing, tortured, stoned, and even sawn in two. It is this group of people who are called conquerors. This isn't our first image when we think of conquerors, I'd bet. Their faith, though, is commended and they are all a part of the great cloud of witnesses watching over us and cheering us on. It says that they conquered kingdoms.
These kids got it. They recognize the kingdoms that have been set up in their lives. There are kingdoms of money, fame, sex, anger, popularity, self-image, success, approval, drugs, television, porn, internet, sports, and the list goes on. All of this goes on daily. I see this every day in the classroom. Kingdoms rising and falling, but rarely do I see the victor turn out to be the oppressed student.
I pray that as adults we recognize the need for repentance. When the worn path of the easy way out, the lowered expectation, appears before us, we turn away and walk the narrow path. I hope that we see the necessity of faith. We can fight and try all day long, but in the end we fail if we do not trust in God. We need diligence in our following Christ. We are pressured in so many ways to take different roads, to try things we already know aren't of God. There is a certain stick-to-it-iveness that needs to exist. All of this relates to creating endurance: the ability to stay in for the long haul. This is no mile relay. This is more than even an Iditarod. This is life.
If we accept these things and teach them, our children will receive them. We look so often to messed up kids and blame them. It starts with us. If our children are to be saved, we must let Christ save us first. We must repent, trust Him, and remain in Him. Without Him we can do nothing.

What we are more than

I'm still in chapter 2, but there is a feast of knowledge. I feel I'm only nibbling the outer crust. There is a recurring set of words here that has snagged my attention: "The one who conquers..." In each letter, there is a challenge. These challenges aren't tests, though. They are a matter of life and death in a sense. If the challenge is met successfully you are considered a conqueror, and conquerors are promised gifts. The Ephesian church is encouraged to repent and return to the things they did in the beginning, to return to their first love. Conquering comes through repentance. A sort of paradox: giving something up to win a victory. Smyrna is given other instructions, though. These brothers and sisters are instructed to "be faithful unto death." If they succeed, the gift given is a crown of life. Conquering is done through faith.
These lessons seem so easy, so simple, so childish. We've heard these lessons our entire lives if we've been in church. Repent and remain faithful. This is the life of a disciple of Christ. It is my belief that there is more here than this, though. I plan to continue digging and searching. So I will write more on this. My goal is to get back to this blogging, journaling, devotional thing. I miss it, and I need to endure at something more than my job. Pray for me, pray with me, and may we all have eyes to see and ears to hear.

I am beginning a journey through the book of Revlelation. I am taking my sweet time, savoring the words and letting them seep into my spirit as much as I can. Being human, I will most likely fail some of the time, but that is neither here nor there at this moment. It is in chapter 2 that I began to wonder. This is the letter that is to be sent to the church in Ephesus. This church has quite a strong history. Patient endurance is a key characteristic for them. A small thing this is not. The ability to work and toil, discerning evil and turning away false teachers, is not easy. It is such a big deal that God repeats the endorsement again in verse 3. The but enters here. Despite the strength of their labors and works, despite their lake of growing weary, and despite their doing it all for His name's sake, they have lost the love they had at first.
This is where I began to wonder. What kind of people work so hard and seem to have it together, but have lost their initial love? I wonder if it is the fact that they have lowered their standards. I see this kind of attitude all around me. There is an appearance of religion and righteousness, but the standard seems based on something other than Jesus Christ. Being nice for the sake of ourselves is not Christlike. Praising louder and in a fashion befitting concerts isn't hitting the mark. The thing is, nothing we do hits the mark. That is what sin is: missing the mark. So, even though our heart may be in "the right place," we're aiming lower. I can be nice to those who are nice to me. I can love my enemy from a distance. I can give a tithe without an offering. The death we are called to becomes an unvied for object.
The thing they have lost is their love. Some translations say first love, others the love you had at first. Regardless, the high marks are lowered for the sake of looking good.
I see a lot of patriots, a lot of loyal alma maters, and a lot of charity-eers. They cheer for their teams, their country and their "lesser brethren." That is the easy part. Even I fall into this category of lame humanity. Personally, I want to see a change. I want to be different. My words should be salty and bright. My actions should resound with the glory of God. He wants to be my, our, first love. We find ways around it, though. I am sick of it myself.
God says that he will remove their lampstand if they do not repent. That means they lose their status as a church. They are no longer children of God, which means they never were. Funny how God can take a group of misguided humans and use them for His plans, and yet they remain aiming too low, and not only missing the mark, but missing the point and God in the process.
So this is my wondering. What are your thoughts? The letter has this line in it, a challenge to us: He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who conquers I will grant to eat of the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God. Let's do it.

31 Flavors

John 12:35-36
So Jesus said to them, "For a little while longer the Light is among you. Walk while you have the Light, so that darkness will not overtake you; he who walks in the darkness does not know where he goes. While you have the Light, believe in the Light, so that you may become sons of Light " These things Jesus spoke, and He went away and hid Himself from them.

We all like to dabble a little bit. It's like going to an ice cream parlor. Most of them give small samples to let you try before you get the triple scoop waffle cone. If you're like me, you just want to try them all. A spoon full of rum raisin, butter pecan, a little bit of banana nut: they've all got something to give. The point of the sample is to find one you like, though. Sometimes the things we dabble in are not so sweet. We jump in and out of relationships, styles, celebrities, interests, and a plethora of other things. There is no indication that we know what we really want at all.Jesus knows this about us. He knew it about His followers as well. At this point in Jesus' life, He was a wanted man. Many wanted Him dead. Those who were following Him wanted to know if He was the Messiah they were waiting for: one who would put down Rome and establish a new kingdom. His response is in verses 35-36. Read it with our knowledge in there. "For a little while I am with you. Walk while I am here, so the darkness will not overtake you....While you have me, believe in me, so that you may become my sons."Jesus doesn't walk among us like He did then. But we do have Him with us as believers. The issue for us isn't that He's leaving, it is whether or not we believe that He is really with us. Our problems occur because we don't really believe and we don't really walk in the light. We are walking in darkness, so we don't know where we're going.The answer is this: when you pray, believe. When you read the Word, believe. When you study in a group, believe. When the preacher is teaching you, believe. We spend so much time dabbling in the darkness, yet the Light is there within us wanting to shine for us and show us the way to go. Do we believe and follow or do we keep trying new flavors until we find the one that suits us?

1. What areas of your life are you searching for stability and control in? (job, relationships, time with God)
2. Examine your actions. Do they reveal a firm knowledge of God, or do they reveal an inability to decide?
3. Spend a few minutes in prayer. Have your Bible there and just talk to God like He is sitting right there beside you (He is, you know). Take time to listen as well. Give Him time to answer.

In the Way

Then said he unto the disciples, "It is impossible but that offences will com; but woe unto him through whom they come! It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea than that he should offend one of these little ones. Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if her repent, forgive him. Luke 17:1-3

When I read this verse, I am reminded of the old cliche about the mafia sticking some offender's feet in a vat of cement and throwing them off of the dock at the edge of town. The weight and the lack of movement just hold the victim at the bottom of the river until he drowns, becoming fish food. The image is quite effective. That is the reason Jesus used it. For anyone standing around and listening, the image would have captured their attention, especially those exploiting, abusing, or otherwise mistreating the children in their lives.
The little ones, as Jesus called them, are just as spiritually needy as any adult. The difference is that they are unable to discern properly. Right and wrong become a matter of how they feel. They might resort to the old adage, "If it feels good, do it." Because of their lack of experience and low stage of development, they need leaders. They need people that they can look up to and who set a good example and who will teach them righteous discernment. if you apply this principle to children in our day and age, the issue becomes magnified. Children are pushed to "grow up" faster by the media and peer pressure, yet we systematically remove more and more of the tools to train them how to face being grown up. Fifty years ago, a couuple may get married at a young age, but they had already worked for some years and developed a sense of responsibility. They knew the value of delayed gratification and a strong work ethic. But as each generation has passed, the children are "given more" than their parents had. People want to save their children from the "pain" they endured, so they spoil them instead, shielding them from the truth in the process. As a result each generation grows weaker and weaker in terms of character. As these children grow up, they become and create weak leaders, weak economies, weak governments, and a weak church.
We have become offences to our children. Instead of fighting the world and its influences, we give in to the easy way out. The end result is true weakness. As adults, we need to realize what we are doing to our children. As we go about our lives pretending that everthing is okay, thinking, "We turned out okay," we ignore the problem and thus become stumbling blocks to our children. Remember that they look to us as examples for how to live. Add to that the disintegration of moral absolutes and the power that the world has in influencing them, and we take fewer measures in fighting a larger and growing enemy. Each generation repeats the mistakes of the prior generation only in an already weaker state. Look around at the way our world is headed. Wouldn't you just as soon have a millstone tied around your neck and be tossed in the sea than experience the effects of our becoming a series of stumbling blocks to our children?
My suggestion is that we become closer to one another. We have to get beyond the superficiality of knowing each other only on a three-time-a-week acquaintance. Each of us has hurts and joys that we can share with one another for encouragement and healing. The church is much more than a building or even a group of people meeting together. We are a family, and if we are going to cease drowning ourselves, we must reach to the next generation and lift them out of the dangerous waters they are in. Work with Christ in forging strong relationships and stronger individuals in order to work in building His kingdom.

Hunger

As I closed last night after our youth meeting at church, I prayed from a compulsion. The compulsion was to ask for God to develop and create a hunger and a desire that burned for Him and Him alone. Today I was confronted with many things that feel like a spiritual net dragging me to the ground. Negativity, faceless criticism, and voiceless supporters wrangle my spirit and my mind. I feel like giving up on some things and just moving forward in the simple easy things that I know. Like most people I just want to make everyone happy. That includes God. The problem is that what God wants is not always what man wants. In fact, it rarely is. Consider Job. Consider Paul. Consider Stephen. Do you think they actually sought what they received? Not likely. But I can name the one thing they each sought after that they did receive. God. So much did they hunger for their Lord that they suffered at the hands of men. They were spat upon, stoned, beaten, accused, laughed at, mocked, scorned, and killed. Their response was almost a, "So what." They weren't in it for the fame and fortune or the glory. They were in it for God. Both as a servant of Him and a recipient of Him. So I dwell on this. I think it over. I prayed for a hunger, and now I am dissatisfied with what comes my way. I wonder how many of the kids are feeling this now and don't know how to label or deal with it. If my prayer was answered in each case, then they are all here with me. We are hungering for something that no amount of anything on this earth will satiate. And I pray that each of us realizes what it is that we hunger for. Dissatisfaction with the world means that God is at work. Know it. Follow it. Reason with God about that hole in you. And let Him fill it. And in knowing, do not give the world back what it has given you, but return love for disappointment. Return love for betrayal. Give back love for suffering and pain and war and loss and lack of control. And in that act you will be revealing that you are a true disciple of Christ. Pray that I do this. Pray that you do this. Pray that every Christian would become so truly disillusioned with the world that God is their only solution.

Acts of God

Psalm 37:5 "Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will act."

I risk taking this verse out of context. I'm not schooled in the background of each psalm that is in the Bible. This particular psalm compares evildoers with the righteous. Laid out in the verses are the consequences of doing evil and admonition against being jealous. We are told that the little in possession of the righteous is worth much more in the hands of evildoers. The writer is wanting to convince you to trust in God. He is pointing out the errors of the wrong path. An argument is developed in the form of a poem. And there in verse 5 is this mysterious group of words. The sentence begins with a simple enough command: Commit your way to God. We sort of already knew that, didn't we? But don't we often just expect that God will act on our behalf regardless of our frame of mind? Do we not pray half-heartedly, thinking that God is going to do what he wants anyway? But we are told here in plain letters to trust God and He will act. Don't just pay Him lip-service! Don't just pray to pray! Trust Him! Believe that He hears. Listen for His answer, though it is not always easy to hear. Trust that if He says know, He knows best. When we believe, He will act! He acts, regardless of whether we believe, but it is so important to trust the God you pray to. What is the point of being a part of a religion if you don't completely sell out to God? That is what He desires. He wants a heart solely given to Him, so that He can work with it and fashion it. If we do not believe that He is doing this, or that we are capable of a tremendous change, it will not happen. We are so busy with our lives, running here and there, that we have God in His allotted time of day and leave Him there. He has become something we can't trust, because we don't know Him. Are you looking for action? Are you wondering where God is? You say you believe, but you seem to live so unsure. So trust Him. Then, watch Him answer.

Oil

Reading in 2 Kings chapter 4 has revealed something to me. I knew it in my head already. You probably do, too. If you believe in Jesus as your savior, you have received the Holy Spirit. The Spirit is represented many times in the scripture by oil. In this particular story, the prophet Elisha has recently received a double portion of his predecessor's spirit. A widow approaches him with a bit of a problem. Her husband, a son of the prophets, is dead. Because of his absence, debt has crept up on the family and the widow is in danger of losing her two children as slaves to the creditor. Elisha asks what she has in her home and she replies that she has but one vessel of oil. He instructs her to borrow many empty vessels from her neighbors and pour the oil she has into the empty vessels. Notice how she doesn't use her own empty vessels. She gets them from her neighbors. She is the one with the problem. One measly jar of oil. This is all she has and the prophet instructs her to pour it out. Yet she does it. This is the perfect image of how we are to live our lives. When we are at the end of our rope, our last jar of oil, we are to continue giving anyway. We are the vessel, pouring our portion of the Spirit into others' lives. They will then be filled, yet we still are full ourselves. We are full of blessings, full of the Spirit, full of life. Only as we continue to give in our own lacking can we truly understand the complete meaning of giving. Only in this way is Christ's potential in us even breached. Consider Christ in His last days. He was targeted for murder. He was insulted, whipped, and falsely accused. Even in the midst of this, Jesus continued to give. He didn't walk away or even defend himself. Jesus walked to the cross and with his last breaths forgave those who were killing him. Giving even with nothing left to offer. Or so it seemed. Those streams of living water were still flowing from within him in the end. They do not end. And so it is with us. When we give despite ourselves, we can continue to give of our Spiritual gift. The only time the vessel of the widow's stopped pouring was when there were no more vessels to fill. The job was finished.
In our lives, we are to pour out into empty vessels, giving using our gifts and talents. One's talent may be music and he may bless others even unknowingly. Another's gift may be in electrical work and he may bless others by helping them. Though in our worldly view of things we see different values on these gifts, they are of equal importance to the kingdom. We live off of each other so to speak, as the first church did. No one was lacking and they had every thing in common. Our job is not finished. We are to give and give and give. We give of our particular gifts and others are blessed just as we are when we let others use their gifts to bless us. So pass the oil on to others. Just give.

ID

I live in a part of the world that is inundated with a sort of cult. There is a certain university nearby whose alumni and student body are so attached to the school that their behavior is almost sickening. You can't go anywhere without seeing their colors. They assume that you know about every game and event that occurs, even if you're a graduate of their rival. I find this very disheartening, especially among the Christian believers who are a part of it. Jesus spoke to a group of followers in John chapter 8 beginning in verse 35, I believe. Here we find that oft repeated verse, "The truth will set you free." The hearers of this comforting word were not having any of it, though. Their claim was a strange one which mingled truth and lie. "We are descendants of Abraham! We've never been slaves to anyone. How can we be set free, then?"
These folks thought they had it figured out. They had their identity. Somehow, they knew who they were (but not really) and no one was going to change their mind about it.
Jesus replies by telling them that everyone who sins is a slave to sin. He challenges their foundation by saying in a nutshell, "If you're Abraham's children then act like it!" These folks were out to kill Jesus. He lets them know that he knows. Still they argue about who they really are and how they don't need a savior.
Back at the beginning of the conversation, before the whole "the truth will set you free" line, Jesus told his followers that if they continue in his word they would truly be his disciples. Jesus gave them a short description of what a Christian, though they weren't known by that name at the time, would look like. Elsewhere he gave this description: Love the Lord Your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself. Sure, that's the greatest commandment, yet Jesus quoted this to a group who asked what the greatest commandment is. I think in saying that, that Jesus intended for us to see his will. This is what he wants from us. All the other laws and what the prophets said are wrapped up in this commandment. This is what we are to look like. In essence, with a few exceptions, our career choice, school choice, spousal choice, and many other things don't matter as long as we are putting God first. That is how we will be identified. Our love for God and for one another.
Let me bring this all together, now. Our identity is found in Christ. Others will see this identity because of our love for God and for each other. In reality, we seek our identification in things like alma maters, career choice, political parties, denominations, skin color, Coke or Pepsi, etc. The world sees this and wonders why we even believe in a God. If God is who we say He is, then why do we treat Him with such disdain? Why is the Creator of the universe not our central figure? We're human, but within those of us who believe there is the Holy Spirit. Therein lies the power to overcome and to be the Christians we are called to be. We must change our character and our affiliations or we will only look more and more like the world.

Rabbit Problems

I am convinced that we are afraid of ourselves. We get up every morning and look in the mirror and just think of ways to change so that who we really are can't catch up to us. That new car is nicer, faster, cooler, sleeker, and will completely fool the real me. If I dress like (insert role model here) then I won't look like myself; I'll totally blend in with the rest of the world. The one thing humans seem to hate more than anything, especially American humans, is down time. It means that we have pulled the old hare's trick and the tortoise will end up passing us while we're breathing. That just can't happen. After all, life is all about winning the race. First place is the only option. Second place is the first loser. Funny how we've never asked ourselves who defined the loser and the winner. I think it was Jesus, the Word, who said that the last shall be first and the first shall be last. So, if you're a loser in the eyes of the world, you're a winner in the eyes of the Word. To slow down and take a breath seems to us to be a sin. Filling every moment with activity, even if the activity is drinking beer and watching tv, is the key. That will keep us ahead of the dreaded tortoise. The tortoise is the one who is going slow enough to really truly see what the heck is going on around him. That's how he noticed that the rabbit was sitting off the road in the bushes napping. Mr. Tortoise actually took the time to look and see. If we really want to win the all important race, we've got to keep our eyes open and slow down. Check out what Paul wrote. Our eyes must stay on the prize. Also in the Bible we find David the Psalmist, Job, and others writing about looking inside and meditating on their sins and the Word. This isn't the meditation that empties the mind, but that is even more cleansing because there is no running and hiding. Everything gets brought out in the open and we get to say to ourselves, "I don't like that part of me. Let's do something about it." That is when Jesus empowers us through the Holy Spirit. That is where the rubber meets the road. We can do it, but first we have to get off the road. I think that both the tortoise and the hare had something right. The tortoise new he had to be paying attention and take it easy. The hare noticed that if he went as hard as he could all the time, he was bound to crash and miss something important eventually. So what is it that I'm trying to say? Slow down. Do some self-evaluation. Ask God to help and really listen to Him. Then act on it. Repent. Share your thoughts for this was a quick write.

People

I am learning a thing or two about the human race. Their self-absorption causes a complete lack of honest communication. That lack of communication leaves space for us to fill in the blank. For some reason, we always expect the worse. We absolutely refuse to talk to the source of what my be nothing! I have been observing this in the school setting. Is it our need to be right that causes us to not get to the bottom of a problem? Are we afraid of the truth? This is one of those things where the truth will set you free! We practically hand ourselves over to a spirit of division and negativity that cannot come from God. What do you think about this? Please respond. What can we do to get rid of this problem. Is it even possible? Post your ideas as responses.

Relevance

I write these questions well aware that I have a link on my page to a magazine called Relevant. That said: what exactly does it mean to be relevant? Derek Webb might be referring to this when he uses the term "dress me like the culture." It could be that Paul wrote about relevance when he said that he became all things to all people that he might win some. But what about us? Today, there seems to be little difference between the church and the world, yet still the church seems to be shrinking in numbers. If changing the sound of the music, the facade of the building, and other cosmetic trivialities are supposed to make us relevant and more acessible, then why is there no change? Why do we even need to be relevant? Do we not trust God enough to let him work through us despite the differences? Last time I checked, there is supposed to be a difference between the Christian and the non-believer. Galatians alys out for us the fruit of the Spirit and the deeds of the flesh. Though we remain sinners, we are to be progressing so that there is more fruit and fewer deeds; more of Christ and less of us. I've begun reading a book called In the Name of Jesus by Henri Nouwen. The first chapter talks about going from relevance to prayer. I'm still chewing on what he says there, but so far what I understand is that we cannot offer anything to people or to God except what we are. We surrender ourselves to them because we may not always be talking to someone who we are easily relevant to. We may have nothing in common with them, but we are still called to love them. I'll add more later. give me your thoughts.

Long Time No Blog

Almost a year since the last entry. Very much has happened since then. In August, I finally graduated from college. Shortly afterward, I took a job in Brenham as an English/Reading/Journalism teacher. In addition to teaching those junior high classes, I also oversee the chapel services at the school. I hope to take up where I left off, entering my thoughts and rants and other useful and/or useless words. It's been too long.
God rules.

How Lonely

Every time Shane turns over, the red numbers inform him that another hour has passed. It won't be long before the jarring sounds of the alarm would begin. This routine of sleep and wakefulness has been the norm lately. Though there is really nothing overtly worrying in Shane's life, his nights are spent taking inventory of his life. That is what he's doing now. He thinks of his wife, whom he loves dearly and depends on more than she knows. Their children are all sleeping peacefully, trusting that dad can protect them from anything. His job is secure, though just as monotonous as everyone else's. His church crosses his mind and the time he spends there each week. Then his thoughts turn to God. Nothing seems out of place to him, yet he still seems so lonely in the damp night.
How could he be lonely? With everything he has in his life there is still a void that hasn't been reached. He's tried talking to people about his feelings. His wife understands and relates, yet cannot do anything more for him. His pastor hears, but tells him to wait patiently for God. He asks God but from he only hears...
God. Does he hear? Is he listening? There seems to be no answer. Shane still feels out of reach and untapped. So much more is there for him to offer, yet no one dares look beneath the surface. God, who is supposed to discern the heart, seems no different this evening. God, who wants more than anything our intimacy, doesn't answer like Shane wants. So Shane thinks about how his prayers. They're each so passe and similar. He wonders if his heart is truly in it. He wonders if he really believes that God hears them, though he does know. He turns once more from the clock's red eyes to the dark window in his bedroom and remembers the lines he once read in a poem.
"I'm too alone in the world, yet not alone enough
to make each hour holy.
I'm too small in the world, yet not small enough
to be simply in your presence, lilke a thing --
just as it is."
As that stanza repeats in his memory, Shane rises quietly from his bed and leaves his bedroom. Sporting his pajamas, Shane goes out the front door into the rain and looks upward, the drops pattering his face. Shane smiles and closes his eyes in gratitude.

The lines of poetry are from Rilke's Book of Hours: Love Poems to God, book 1 poem 13

Kingdom

Warning. I've been thinking. Lately I've been thinking about the kingdom of God and how it applies to our lives every day. We talk about being kingdom subjects, under the lordship of Yaweh, but how do we see it and experience it? When I pray, I try to follow the Lord's Prayer example as closely as I can and I always pray for God's kingdom to come on earth as it is in heaven.
There is a recent song that has been released by Derek Webb. The chorus is this, "My first allegiance is not to a flag, a country or a man. My first allegiance is not to democracy or blood. It's to a King and a kingdom." Admittedly, I find myself in a strange place. I am a Christian who sometimes doesn't want that label. I see that Christians are defined as zealous patriots and white, middle class Republicans. I don't always feel patriotic. I am undoubtedly white and in the lower middle class. But before any of these definitions touch me, I am a child of God.
I am a kingdom subject. I am an ambassador of God's kingdom, which exists already all around us. But what does that mean? Does it mean that I am hand out brochures about how great heaven is? Heaven isn't really the goal of the Christian life. Christ is. But how do we as the church get Christ to people? Do we merely invite them to church and hope they hear something they like? Do we adjust our prayers and lives to make them comfortable? How do we convince them that God's kingdom is real?That leads me back to the earlier questions. How do we experience God's kingdom? Only then can we share it with others.
In God's kingdom there will be health without limit. Our new bodies will be complete and without suffering. There will be peace. There will be no death, no jealousy, no listless wandering. Everything will point to the Glory which is God. There will be love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, self-control.
These things are what we are to be living in. Healing. Peace. Harmony. I'm starting to sound like John Lennon. But what is it that people are on about all over the world? Is it not peace, healing, harmony...?
Scripture teaches us that it will not come until Jesus does. So are we to sit back and retain our sinfulness until Jesus returns? Absolutely not! We are to live in the kingdom. Let it come to us as it is in heaven. Healing those we can. Bringing peace when we are able. Being at peace with all men as much as it is possible.We are to be more and more Christ like in our lives.
This is how we will be partakers of the redemption of the world. We decrease. Our names are less and less important. The spotlight on us fades as the light inside us grows and overtakes it, the light that is Jesus. Our hearts become well springs of life that others are able to partake of. We will have all things in common. I could go on.
But as it is, we separate ourselves from the world by definition instead of by action and citizenship. We come against those things which we are told our fight is not against. Our war is with things unseen. We see the effects of that war, and like medicine these days, we attack the symptoms and leave the disease to fester and grow.
Pray that God will send His Holy Spirit. Pray that you will be filled. Pray that the kingdom comes on earth as it is in heaven.

Momre Blessings

First things first. The kingdom of heaven is present around you and me. Mostly unseen, but there. And so we pray that God's will be done here on earth the same as it is in heaven. Visible and tangible and real. But then there's the curse. That wretched bind that refuses to release our hearts and minds fully to God.
That said, we move to Jesus' words. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. I could go into a long description of different types and intensities of persecution, but that isn't what I need to do. Persecution is for you and God to hash out. I believe He knows it better than I, so ask Him.
Here's the thing, though. When you let Jesus act through you to show his love and power in the world, you may get strange looks. You may be ousted, even from those claiming to know God. Wherever it is from is irrelevant. In that moment of pain, you experience a small taste of what Jesus endured for you. You also get an open window into the kingdom of heaven.
Your eyes are a little more open to miracles. You see God working a bit more and hopefully take initiative in pitching in. Maybe gifts become revealed to you. The thing is you are walking closer with God, sharing in his suffering be it ever so little.
For this reason, rejoice when you are persecuted. And don't get down. Pay attention and see if God doesn't let you in a little more intimately than before.

Peaceful Sons

Jealousy. Envy. Disappointment. Anger. Depression. Arrogance. Low Self-Esteem. Addiction. These things and more do one thing in our lives above all else. They create divisions. Take a look around you. Think back to younger days. Visualize how people are automatically categorized upon appearance, ability, education. Think about how even our churches are separated and categorized by color, denomination, theology and even commitment. Do you realize that this is one thing we rarely hear in our prayer requests? Unity among men in the name of Jesus is important. But daily we perpetuate the division by trying o prove that we're right and everyone else is wrong. We spend so much time trying to persuade people of our beliefs, sometimes we even try to persuade ouselves, that we miss out on the blessing of the Truth!
Jesus, in the book of Matthew, is recorded to have said, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God." Later on he says that a tree is recognized by its fruit. If peacemakers are called sons of God, then wouldn't that be one of the signs of a child of God? Creating peace instead of tearing down the vision.
What do you see when you look at people? Samuel Jackson played in a movie where the character called his attorney on the carpet for his prejudice. He complained because when he was mentioned of seen he was seen as a black man. In all actuality he was a man. Just a man. That's what he wanted to be known as. Not black. Not short. Not handsome or homely. He bleeds just the same as everyone else.
It seems to me that there is a right. Jesus is that right. He is the Truth after all. As children of God we should be seeking to unify our brothers and sisters, finding the places where we agree and agreeing to disagree in other places. As long as Jesus is the true center, then why can't we live together in peace? No more denominations. No more First, Second and Third Baptist churches. Just the people of God, claiming to be just that and changing the world in the process. Blessed ar ethe peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

Blessed

The heart. It is a final frontier for most of the world. It tends to be a place we talk about and speculate over how to fix it and work on it. But we rarely go there. Scripture tells us we should guard it above all else, for it is the wellspring of life. Our mouths speak with what overflows from the heart. The heart is the very center of our being. It makes us who and what we are. And every day our heart is bombarded with life. From the very day we were conceived and our lives were being formed, experiences have shaped who we'd be. Genetically and emotionally and physically our hearts were formed. And this continues, though many choose to guard what has already happened to their heart and leavie it as it is. Many have hearts that resemble salvage yard sweethearts, rusted and beat up with parts missing here and there. The color is gone and that's just the way it is. Others have fewer dents and dings, but still have a hardened heart in some respects.
The problem with this is that we not only experience the world from our hearts, but we interact with and see the world from them. This means that the shape our heart is in affects our reaction to what the world dishes out. A hardened heart will be cold and callous in response. A weakened heart will give up. The view is always marred from a human heart. What is truly going on is invisible or at the least blurry. It is like trying to look out a windshield that has been pelted with rocks. You can see a little, but visibility is quite limited.
A clean heart would be ideal. A heart that has been renovated and refurbished; renewed. Another word is redeemed. Jesus said that one with a pure heart is blessed because they will see God. God is truth. Unmarred. Unblurred. Crystal clear. None of us can see him perfectly in our lives for our hearts have been under attack for years. Even those who have learned to guard them still have a ways to go to get them refinished.
Here is the irony. In order to see God, you must trust him. No amount of religious exercise and healthy diet will fix our hearts. Do you want to see God? Invite him in and let him go to work. He pulls out the dents. He seals the cracks. He's giving you new life and a new heart.
Many will try to get along with such low visibility and crash along the way, only adding to the pain and the damage in the heart. All it takes is spending time forming a relationship with Jesus. Talk with him. Listen to him. Hear him. Hang out with him. Let him get to know you and get to know him. Before you know it, you start to see him in the world around you. Then you begin to know you're blessed.